More Challenges I Face Each Day

August 12, 2017

Early Morning Walk

Every morning I take a walk. I get up early, eat breakfast, wait a half hour and power walk.  For some reason, if nothing is pressing and on my mind, bad memories come to the surface.  Memories come up from the past of when I had anxiety attacks.  One after another pop up while I walk.  Sometimes I get too carried away in them, and I actually begin to have an attack.  I can tell this is happening because my body starts to feel it.  My eyes start to focus too much on my surroundings, I feel scared, and I start to BELIEVE I am in trouble.  The spiraling begins.  It feeds on itself.  Then it gets worse until I get home and sit with it.  Sometimes I have to spend twenty minutes at home to let it feed on me before I can feel like myself again.

But on this day, I just allowed it to come in.  I sat on my steps at home, and I just breathed it in.  I wasn’t scared of it coming.  I accepted it without fear.  I went INTO IT and let it happen.  In just a few minutes, it passed, and I was able to continue my walk!

The next day felt like a repeat performance.  The old memories came to the surface.  AGAIN.  This time I had a response to it that was unique.  I wasn’t afraid.  I said to myself – I can have an attack and be okay.  I can just stop wherever I am and let it happen.  And guess what?  It stopped.  I was able to walk without the memories trying to spiral out of control.  The memories didn’t pull me into the fear of another anxiety attack about to happen.  I said to myself – do I want to experience an attack or not?  If I do, I am okay.  And it lost its grip on me.

Major day for me!