August 12, 2017
Early Morning Walk
Every morning I take a walk. I get up early, eat breakfast, wait a half hour and power walk. For some reason, if nothing is pressing and on my mind, bad memories come to the surface. Memories come up from the past of when I had anxiety attacks. One after another pop up while I walk. Sometimes I get too carried away in them, and I actually begin to have an attack. I can tell this is happening because my body starts to feel it. My eyes start to focus too much on my surroundings, I feel scared, and I start to BELIEVE I am in trouble. The spiraling begins. It feeds on itself. Then it gets worse until I get home and sit with it. Sometimes I have to spend twenty minutes at home to let it feed on me before I can feel like myself again.
But on this day, I just allowed it to come in. I sat on my steps at home, and I just breathed it in. I wasn’t scared of it coming. I accepted it without fear. I went INTO IT and let it happen. In just a few minutes, it passed, and I was able to continue my walk!
The next day felt like a repeat performance. The old memories came to the surface. AGAIN. This time I had a response to it that was unique. I wasn’t afraid. I said to myself – I can have an attack and be okay. I can just stop wherever I am and let it happen. And guess what? It stopped. I was able to walk without the memories trying to spiral out of control. The memories didn’t pull me into the fear of another anxiety attack about to happen. I said to myself – do I want to experience an attack or not? If I do, I am okay. And it lost its grip on me.
Major day for me!